Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Friday, September 6, 2019

Fake News from a Friend

Bigfoot self portrait



The President’s dead.
That’s what the media proclaims.
But there isn’t a body.
Rumor has it- he was assassinated.
There’s also speculation he took his own life.
It’s been reported he’s 'in hiding' shacked up with some ‘Appalachian Sasquatches’ and he’s teaching them how to become... shrimp ranchers.
How does one even lasso shrimp?
The lassos would need to be so tiny.
That’s Funny.

Fake news is everywhere.
Why do people believe the silliest of things?

I guess we all need to believe in something but how about equality for all -photographs that don't make one look blurry...or fat and good paying American jobs for the disenfranchised, the podiatrial and folicularly challenged! 
Honestly, I wish the president were hiding with me….
I’d like to herd shrimp.


Wednesday, August 21, 2019

My Horror Tree Interview with THE Miracle Austin

Give her some love!

https://horrortree.com/the-horror-tree-presents-an-interview-with-miracle-austin/


Monday, July 8, 2019

The Horror Tree Author Interview with THE Josef Matulich

He's bigger and badder in this interview than he's ever been! Give him some love. But not THAT kind of love...he IS married.

https://horrortree.com/the-horror-tree-presents-an-interview-with-josef-matulich/

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Shelly See Wee



Growing up, I wanted to be a mermaid. Never mind that I couldn't swim, and still can't, being a mermaid looked awesome. I had great mermaid role models; the Man from Atlantis. BBE. 'Before Bobby Ewing'. Man, he was hot. Then there was Daryl Hannah in Splash- hell, SHE was hot. Not to mention my favorite bath toy, Sandy See Wee, floating with her mer-cat in a cheap-ass green sponge. Ahhh...mer-heaven.

There was always something about having a powerful tail, and gills and no genitals...just being 'part animal', that intrigued me.

Now that I'm grown, I’ve accepted never being able to sprout a tail or sea shell boobs in hopes of catching me a few lobsters or sailors to tear apart and suck out their brains for dinner. It's a pity.

But I found that with age I do have the ability to morph into an animal of sorts. But not a cool animal.

Yeah, go figure.

Ya see, the skin under my chin is becoming that of a grand Butterball-less turkey. I am now sporting a very nice, fleshy waddle. I can even slap people with it if I turn my head too quickly. Okay, that IS a plus.

As much as I would love to say my breasts are also becoming quite turkey-esque that's unfortunately not the case. No, my sweet turkey boobage has crept further into my stomach and thighs. So I guess I'm all dark meat.

And...what the holy hell is crawling from my fucking chest? Oh yeah...some sort of turkified nipple hair. Nipple hair! When did I gestate that?

And when did turkey’s grow nipples?

And don't even start with me about my nasty birdy skin or how my butt has turned an ugly brown hue. Shut up, just roll with me here, okay?

Instead of becoming one of those cool hybrid animal creatures, I'm meta-morphosizing into a freaking Thanksgiving entree!

I bet Ariel, the Little Mermaid, never had to worry about nipple hair.

She at least had sweet clam shells to cover that shit up.

I could turn this into some, "love yourself and all your flaws" horseshit, but who am I kidding?

I got one last word for ya....

Coolsculpting.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

My Horror Tree Interview with THE Steve Vasquez

Nibble on the delectable offerings of author Steve Vasques!!

https://horrortree.com/the-horror-tree-presents-an-interview-with-steve-vasquez/

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Horror Tree Interview with THE Josh Schlossberg

Check out Josh and his strange interest of microbial horror.

https://horrortree.com/the-horror-tree-presentsan-interview-with-josh-schlossberg/

The Horror Tree interview with THE Liz Butcher

https://horrortree.com/the-horror-tree-presents-an-interview-with-liz-butcher/