But as I searched through all their offerings I heard that the Reverend Billy Graham had passed at away the tender age of 99. That's when it hit me. Well, actually I was touched. No not inappropriately, there's a restraining order for that. I was spiritually touched by the Holy Spirit! REALLY! (and I measured-- he was 500 feet away)
I found the language I was to study and here it is.....
YES, I have decided that I am going to be fluent in Tongues! I want to share what I've learned with you.
Lesson One- BOOOGIEOOGIEOOGIE-- It means, "Hello."
Lesson Two- FUNGFUNGOOOLOOOIWANTASAMMICHOOFUNGA--It means, "Thank you."
Lesson Three- SHAMAMLAMADINGDONGSHAMALAMADINGDINGDONGPOOTPOOT-ASHAKESHAKESHAMROCKSHAKE that simply means, "I have to poop, where is your dirty wood pile?"
Lesson Four- This lesson is about the culture...Okay, I'm supposed to buy some fat snakes and practice falling backwards a lot while shaking said snakes. Hummm....I think I'll skip this lesson.
Lesson Five- It says, "DO NOT SKIP LESSON FOUR." Son of a Bitch! Oh man, how do I say that in Tongues? Where's the lesson in Tongue cuss words?
Lesson Six- "How to Take Care of your Shooken Snake if it gets Motion Sickness" WHAT?? Awww...look, it shows you how to make a little barf bag out of a milk jug.
Lesson Seven- "Good Tongue-Bad Tongue" Hell, I learned this in 10 grade with that dude I shouldn't have been dating.
Ya know...this isn't worth all the money or the snake bites. I think I'm reconsidering my language choice.
Talking to oranges sounds pretty good right now.