Horror Writers Association Member

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Using Big Ben Rothlisberger to Get My Cookbook Published

The Steelers win to the Superbowl (over 3 years ago) has helped me decide just how my cookbook is going to be published. Im going to accuse Big Ben of touching me inappropriately in the frozen pizza isle of Giant Eagle. Here is my direct quote to Star Magazine…

In my best Pitssburgh ackscent,

“I was in da Giahant Igle, jus mahdin mah own bizness. Ah was Bahin some Jumbo and made mah way over to da frozen pizza section and Ben Rothlisberger came over and asked if ah liked pepperoni or sawsage. He wasnt tawkin abaht on mah pizza, datswhat he calls a ladies 'special parts'. Ah tole Ben he shud be shamed ah hisself, disgracing me in the Giahant Igle like dat. Ah kin never watch the Stillers again. I am traumatized to go into another Giahant Igle for fear of Ben ogling mah pizza.  He tainted my feelins towards Jumbo too. “  

Without Accent
“I was in the Giant Eagle, just minding my own business.  I was buying some Jumbo and made my way over to the frozen pizza section and Ben Rothlisberger came over and asked if I liked pepperoni or sausage.  He wasnt talking about toppings on my pizza. Thats what he calls a ladies special parts.  I told Ben he should be ashamed ah himself, disgracing me in the Giant Eagle like that. I can never watch the Steelers again. I am traumatized to go into another Giant Eagle for fear of Ben ogling my pizza. He tainted my feelings towards Jumbo too." 

Yinz think dis will work?


  1. I can't lie...I've eaten pizza like the guy in the picture before.

  2. Yes you have John. Yes you have....


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