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Conversations with my Husband......



We all have those conversations with our spouses that we can't believe we're having.  Here's a smattering of such conversations with my hubby. *sigh*


1.
    Me: Why does your side of the couch smell like butt?
    Him: I don't know.
 (sniffs around a bit and finds the offending stench from one of the critters
    Me: Oh wait, it's dog or cat puke.
    Him: Where'd that come from?
    Me: I guess the puke fairy.




2.
    Me: Hey you know that; charcoal filter, jar of mustard, new pack of batteries, gallon of milk,  screwdriver, stove, hat, cigarette lighter, bottle of hot sauce, shirt you said was stolen...missing... etc....well I found it.
    Him: Where was it? 
    Me: Where it usually is.
    Him: Well, I couldn't find it. You must have moved it.
    Me: Yes....yes I must have moved it.....to give me room to put your dead body.




3.
    Him: What are you listening to? Turn that off. Your music sucks.
    Me: Why is it the music you listen to is fantastic but mine sucks?
    Him: Because it does.
    Me: Well that explains everything. *Eye roll*



4.
    Me: What do you want for dinner? 
    Him: I don't care. 
    Me: Okay, how about pasta?
    Him: Nah.
    Me: So what do you want?
    Him: Ehh...whatever. Just not pasta.
    Me: Fine, how about pizza.
    Him: I'm not in the mood for pizza.
    Me: How about I strangle you in your sleep?




5.
    Him: When you went to the store you got my Jazz apples, right?
    Me: Ummm, yeah? (They didn't have any. So I bought Honeycrisps and ripped off the stickers.)
    Him: They don't look like my apples?
    Me: Well, they are. (When did he start to notice things?)
    Him: Where's the sticker?
    Me: *sigh*  Dammit Ed, they didn't have any! Just eat those apples.
    Him: Why didn't you go to the other store to get them? You know I only like Jazz apples.
    Me:  I WASN'T DRIVING ALL OVER GOD'S CREATION FOR JAZZ APPLES! TRY   
            SOMETHING NEW!
    Him: Woman...you had to get me one thing and you screwed it up.
                                ****** DAYS LATER******
    Him: You know, those apples you bought are pretty good.
    Me: I'm going to throw them at you and I'll make it hurt.


6.
    Me: You know the shower is leaking again.
    Him: It doesn't leak for me.
    Me: I guess you're fucking special.
              *******LATER********
    Him: You're right the shower is leaking again.
    Me: See, I told you it was leaking.
    Him: You must have broke it.
    Me: Yeah, I'm a real monster when I turn the knobs on and off!


7.
     Me: How about we go and get a drink somewhere?
     Him: Why would we do that?
     Me: I don't know. I thought we could just do something different.
     Him: But...it's Wednesday. And we're watching TV.
     Me: (Giving him a stupid look) We always watch TV.
     Him: *SILENCE* (watching TV and can't multi-task)
     Me: Helllooooo...
     Him: Dazed and Confused is on.
     Me: It has ended the same damn way all 300 times you've watched it!
     Him: *SILENCE*
     Me: So I guess we're not going anywhere?
     Him: What? What do you want? Dazed and Confused is on.
     Me: Shall I slit my wrist or yours?
 


8.
    Me: I see you ate toast in the kitchen. Are you going to clean up the crumbs on the counter?
    Him: Yeah. I always clean up my mess.
    Me: You do? Since when?
    Him: Always.
    Me: You ate toast at noon and now it's 4.
    Him: So what?
    Me:  I just cleaned it up.
    Him: I was going to get it.
    Me: Sure you were.


9.
    Him: If you ever go crazy I'm going to chain you up in the basement.
    Me: Okay. Can I at least have a bed to sleep on?
    Him: I guess.
    Me: How about a TV?
    Him: You're pushing it but fine.
    Me: This is sounding better and better!
    Him: I'll put the stove down there too so you can still cook for me.
    Me: I still have to cook for you when I go crazy? I don't remember taking those vows.
    

The happy couple....




   






Comments

  1. Wow these blogs are so Interesting and witty as well.The blog in which the wife went for Victoria's secret is very much funny hahahah, loved it. Do upload more blogs like this thankyou :)

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