My husband Ed cannot handle change. Even the littlest things spaz him out. And lately, I have been doing some crazy things to him that are shaking him to the core.
For example, last week, I bought him different apples. They were out of Jazz apples so I bought these Envy apples. You'd have thought tried to sell his left nut.
Our guitar player got us a gig in Ligonier which is MAYBE 25 minutes from our house. Ed's response, "In Ligonier? Why all the way out there???" My response? Did they fucking move Ligonier??? OMG! Right nut....gone.
Today, I picked up battery powered toothbrushes. Well, these things AND I must be in league with the devil. He says, "Woman, (when he uses WOMAN, I know I'm a totally horrible wife who uses his man parts for soups and stews), Woman, you are pushing me! Pushing me!!!" Annnnd now I am in possession of his penis.
So change, in Ed- World is BAD. And I am in possession of all his wrinkly scrotal kibbles N bits. And I have no damn use for em....I wonder if Ed will want to donate them to the less fortunate. Yeah...I doubt it too. Change is BAD.
Guess what kind of meat is in the bowl??
Beef ya sick buggers.
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